I believe that the ultimate expression of any human being is love. Not that our other thoughts and feelings aren’t valid or real, but that at the source of it all, love is where we come from and seek to return to. We humans seem to be hardwired to seek the experience of love. Let me say love is the light and the absence of love is the darkness (hate, fear, anger, anxiety, depression, grief, contempt, etc…).
Duality is everywhere in human existence. Light/dark, good/evil, love/hate, male/female, hot/cold. I see the duality around love specifically, as the opportunity to move toward love. If there were no conflict, and we were constantly in a state of love, that would be the whole of our experience. There would be nothing else, and there would be nothing special about it. If you only eat perfectly ripe mangos, day after day and nothing else, a time will come, when that is the last thing you are going to want to eat. In the range of human emotions, it is the difficult ones that make the pleasant ones so sweet. Dealing with hate, fear, anger, anxiety, depression, grief and contempt is the access to love and happiness.
When I behave selfishly, nastily, hurtfully, defensive or offensive, I see that I am coming from a place where love is not present. I am experiencing it as missing, scarce or wrongfully withheld. Returning to the be, do, have idea, being loving is the fastest way back to having the experience of love. Being angry about love not being present may be how I am genuinely feeling, but if I am honest about the experience I truly want, it is to feel love, and being angry is not moving me in that direction. I acknowledge that I am feeling angry, then choose to be loving in response so that I can more effectively return to the experience I want to have and give the people in my life the experience I am committed they have. It is my highest self-expression inside of all my other emotions.
I can feel sad, honor that sadness (painful as that is) and be loving in my interactions at the same time. Most of the day I am not present to that and walk around trying to get my needs met, just like the rest of us. But in my best moments, I remember that love is my guiding light. It is my destination and the journey leading me there through the many dualities of my experience in this life. I can be loving while moving through the range of human experience. And I know that is the ultimate expression of myself.
This is me in my ideal form. It is the highest truth within me that is not subject to how I am feeling or what is happening in my life. It is my constant. The reason I am writing this particular blog, is that I don’t believe that this is something special to me. I believe this is true for all of us, and owning this truth and moving into the light is what we are here to do as humans. Choosing love in the face of life and its multitude of trials and tribulations.
This truth applies to who I am with all people I cross paths with. It is not limited to romantic relationship one bit. One thing that does feel special to me is that I hear it ringing loudly inside of me. I am called to act on it and bring it into this world. Having this perspective and doing life from this perspective is what I have to offer.
I was talking to a colleague today who gave me the best metaphor for what I am distinguishing. Like scuba diving, on the surface the water is choppy and the wind is pushing wet, salty mist in your face, but drop down a just a few feet and everything turns calm and quiet. The surface is our defensiveness, resentment, frustration etc…, and dropping down under is our centered, loving, compassionate selves. Unlike scuba diving, it is possible to manage ourselves on the surface from the calm depth of our commitment to being loving. (Thank you Cate Potyen.)
So this is what I want to give to you. The idea that you have the power to be your best loving self inside of your worst fights and most intense emotions while still honoring those emotions and standing for what is important to you. And in coming from that loving place, you will discover a very powerful part of yourself. You will be connected to yourself and your partner. It is vulnerable and safe at the same time, totally open and protected.